Ok so I work as an EMT in my free time, and this is a story about a call I absolutely have to tell.
So it's about 0220, the bars had let out about 30min ago. We get toned out for a 24 year old male who had been assaulted. He was out with PD, so it was already safe for us to proceed in. We respond on over, I'm telling my crew what equipment I think I will need based on the information I was given and what to grab when we get there. Now when I get there I see 3 different Police cruisers; 1 SUV and 2 interceptors. So immediately I know this isn't your average drunk fight. I walk over and introduce myself, ask who I am here for and where I am going. I see 2 guys in 2 different places, but only 1 of them had a knife handle sticking out of his thigh. I quickly clarified that the guy with the stabbed leg was my patient, turns out dispatch failed to mention that. So I walk on over and let me tell you, he was screaming. Like, if you took a hot cattle prod and shoved it up Kayne West's the screaming cheers of the entire world would have been topped by this guy. I eventually got him to calm the hell down, and was able to begin treating him. Stabilized the object, checked pulse and motor function, clear C-spine, etc. Basically did what I needed to based on what was presenting, did a rapid trauma workup too. But he was hiding something. The way he was acting I thought may have been drug induced, but he wouldn't talk with all the cops around. I decided to move him to my unit, and figured I could get some answers out of him without my family in blue scaring him into silence. Once he was in the back I went ahead and sat down on the bench seat of the unit, right next to the stretcher. I told him "Look man, I am not the police. The only reason I want to know if you took something is so the doctors know what medications and treatments they can give you. If you don't tell me you could actually die if there is a reaction with what is in your system and a medication given at the hospital." He seemed to respond to this, and then told me that before he would tell me what he was on he needed to tell me a secret. So, careful to keep my distance and not turn my face away from him, leaned toward him just a little so I could hear what he was going to say. What he said next blew me away. He said "I need about Tree Fiddy". And that's when I realized this 24 year old male was actually an 8 story tall crustacean from the Paleozoic era. That God damned loch-ness monster had tricked me again! I was like "God damn it loch-ness monster you ain't gettin no tree Fiddy, not get out of my ambulance!" I left that thing with PD and went back to station.