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My very first school trip abroad - Album on Imgur
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My very first school trip abroad

by 5d via iPhone

So, uhh... I was pretty young when this happened, but I do remember it vividly. I must have been 9 or 10, and it was a school trip to Paris that I'd been looking forward to a lot. We were going to get the ferry from Dover across to Calais and then get the bus to Paris from there. My memory of this incident kicks in when I'm on one of the below decks desperately searching for a toilet. I still remember the agony I was in - looking everywhere for a loo whilst trying to hold in the poop that was desperately seeking to leave its human host behind. I go up and down a few times to different decks, searching long halls, trying to find loos. I'm pretty sure I end up searching the same floors a couple of times too, the delirium affecting my judgements. I get really worked up, and on top of everything, I feel like I'm lost on this ferry, having not bumped into any of my classmates or teachers for a while. I'm really stressing out, and then it happens. The escape pod jettisons from the mother ship. I'm carrying it around with me (my burden, my shame), and I remember just trying to switch my mind into 'damage control' mode. I should just get to a toilet, clean up the mess, then regroup with the rest of my classmates, pretend it never happened. About five minutes pass since 'the incident' and I finally find some loos. I get into a cubicle, pull my trousers down, then my underpants, and then... Nothing. There is nothing there. A small brown stain stairs back at me from my underpants, but it's nothing but a ghost's imprint of what was there before. I check my trouser legs fully, still nothing. I clean myself up a bit, leave the toilet, and pretend the incident never happened. I quite like the thought that 17 years ago a couple honeymooning (or an old professor reading a journal, or an intrepid gap year explorer) are happily minding their own business, revelling in the thrill of travel, when a distressed, small child walks past, and out from the bottom of their trousers rolls a small lump of poo. And maybe they too remember that incident, and post about it in Usersub 17 years later.

TAKE ME UP

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