This is NOT a sob story. I don't seek for someone to feel bad for me, I just need to know that there are people out there who feel the same. I thought I will try it to make as short as possible, but I think it is not possible, because so many things have happened. So many bad choices.
I am not good at making memes so I am sorry. No further explanation needed I guess. If needed I will edit. It is after that I haven't had an deep emotional intimate relationship. Everything after that fucked up.
Yeah. That happened. I really liked that one girl and the same happened...
Go to university just because I thought I am good at english and who wouldn't like to make some business. One year down the drain. Then the army. Give me my eight months back. Get bullied in the army, still the one who is left out, just like in school too. After that downward spiral to 100 days smoking weed everyday. The maximum time I stayed for one job was maybe two months. Jump from one place to another. Move in with a girl I knew for one week. I was really desperate.
The trip was awesome though. Got to visit many places and got to know lots of broken people with even more fucked up past than me. Go alone on a couchsurfing tour in Netherlands. Noice.
...is asked from that same "friend" to come as a cook in a restaurant his girlfriends mother has opened. We get along though again for a long time, because our circle of friend is the same. I have forgiven myself and him, but still. First the job is great, I chose to be a waiter, because of the trip I had, selling CD's, thought it gave me a lot. But now being a waiter I starte having social anxiety. I am trying to hold the job, but almost every day I think that I can't quit and must overcome my fears. And now I have, but still I don't feel happy.
I don't know what to say anymore. Just wanted to get it out of my chest. So many more bad things have happened in these six years, like my grandfather dying. I was afraid to cry in the funeral because I didn't want anyone to see. Many disappointments in myself, anger and tears pushed down have made me apathetic and not knowing how to interact with people with emotion anymore.
TL;DR the title
PS. This is not bullshit! I don't even know how to write the story of six years shortly. I am bad at storytelling, but I tried to give the best overview.
Hugs to yall!